Dear Miss Stickler, My nephew is getting married to a young lady who just had his baby. They are 20 and 18 respectively. She has little taste and less money and she has assumed that our family will pay for everything. Her family has not stepped forward to offer to share costs. Do we have the right to impose some aesthetic direction?

Appalled Auntie in California

Oh Auntie, the horror! You could say no to the underwriting but I am sure you want it to be nice for your nephew; no union hall, fried chicken travisty for you. So make it clear to the fertile couple what you are willing to do and the parameters if there are any. An unwillingness to sign off on a red and black goth reception for example. 

That said, it is their day regardless of how they got there. Perhaps you could approach it the way Party Ink does a particularly recalcitrant client with questionable taste. Take their suggestions, lime green floral with carnations, and ignore the carnations. Take their burning desire for lime green table cloths and translate to lime green napkins and crystals against a crisp white. They will be so thrilled with the result and the use of their favorite colors they wont notice your judicial editing.

I just got married and would like to know how to structure a thank you note that is gracious but won’t take forever. I have a ton to write.

-Overwhelmed in Los Angeles

Poor Dear. So let me get this right. You have received a veritable “ton” of gifts; picked personally and paid for by your guests, probably off your endless registry and you would now like to tear through your thank you notes like a hyena on a lion kill? Lucky for you princess, that a thank you note need not be 500 words to be gracious. I am simply thrilled you are committing to good manners!

The first part of the note is acknowledging their presence or lack there of at the wedding.

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Big-Gift, Chad and I were so thrilled that you chose to come all the way to LA to help us celebrate!

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Big-Gift, We were so sorry that your busy schedule kept you in New York for our wedding. You were missed.

Second, what did you get? Describe the gift and how you will use it, even if it is your intention to sell it on EBay.

Wrap up with a highlight of the event, one that included them if they attended and then your follow up thank you.

Thanks again for the generous gift, thoughtful gift, practical gift, witty frivolous gift…

Love or Best Wishes or Sincerely, Overwhelma and Chad Lowengreen

My mother in law is a pugnacious drunk. How do I keep her away from the open bar?
-Nervous Boston Bride

Miss Stickler answers:

Short of chaining Mommy to the table, the only other option, if she is to be included, is a dry reception. Gasp! A dry reception could actually work wonders for your budget. You can count on there being less interest in attending by your invitees. People like to go to weddings, A. To help you celebrate your big day and B. To attend (read: get sauced at) the biggest, most all inclusive party you will ever throw! Chain the bat to the table! Cheers.